Last night, I watched
you struggle on top of me. What a waste of my time.
I spent years and years trying to understand what is it exactly
that I feel I need from you and why did I hold you so close to my heart. You
fed into this inanity and let me believe that there is something worth feeling.
That there is time worth spending with you and that the single compromise I knotted
skillfully and firmly to my chest is worth reaching.
I said what I said to you while you were sweating on top of
me not because I had intended to emasculate you, but simply because I needed to
put an end to my foolishness and your thoughtless desires of me I asked you
those questions precisely at that time because you owed me answers and not immature
euphoria. In case you hadn’t notice, my love – a boner is something I know very
well.
We are both old now – we have grown and you have said this
to me too. But why is it that you don’t know how to handle a man? Why could you
not just admit you had no idea what to do and that what had happened years ago happened
because we were there then and we were who we were then? Why did you allow
things to get to this point? A point where I had to break you to build you.
You have always admired the fact that I am blunt, you have
said this to me before. I cannot help but wonder what you think of my bluntness
now.
I still love you though, but it feels good to know for sure
that you and I will never be. And, I am sorry for playing part in pursuing
something I could have otherwise discouraged us from trailing. I hope you find
whatever it is that you are looking for. And, I hope you will grow up to know
and understand what sexuality is.
Happy read!
