16 Days of Activism against gender violence

In a classroom outside of Johannesburg, a teacher pressures a young student to have sex with him, telling her that she’ll fail the class if she does not.

 Not far away, in a living room late at night, a victim of domestic violence, afraid she’ll get beaten again, acquiesces to the drunken insistence of her husband and endures intercourse.

In a one-room house in Kwazulu Natal, a young man listens in confusion and anguish to the news that his sister has been raped. No one knows whether the rapist was HIV positive or not.

 

Original author: Dean Peacock, Men as partners: South African men respond to violence against women and HIV/AIDS.

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Use he who uses thee...

As a young boy, I wanted to have a straight guy for a best friend. As I grew up though, I come to realise just how close to impossible this is. Probably, the Gods foresaw this; hence I always ended up attracting females for good friends. The ‘straight’ guys that came close to me had weird propensities coupled with sexual fantasies which somehow comprised men.

I stopped wishing and started living. Nonetheless, I realised that finding good friends is as hard as bumping into this Mr Right many young people tend to speak of.  And, it’s as hard to maintain as a relationship.

Just like in relationships, some people are lucky as they have the same friends since primary school. Some meet their best friends at varsity and they last forever, and others meet good friends only once and even though they are still good friends, they are miles apart and stand the possibility to only meet again when they have grown very old and apart.

Shame, poor me...

I met my friends, the two most wonderful beings at varsity and together we became family. We became each other’s pillars of strength and we were always there for one another in every possible way.

We were so close, to the extent that the fact that our relationships never lasted we were not bothered at all. We felt that as long as we had each other we were fine, and that is all that mattered.

I remember our conversations precisely. They’d start off about our plans and dream jobs after school and what we would do for ourselves and our families. This would shift to money, oh how we loved money (I still do) and finer things in life. From money came men, sex and alcohol; these were our favourites as our experiences brought smiles to our faces.

My shenanigans made them laugh, even the stuff I had kept to myself in fear of being humiliated. Nonetheless, I ended up laughing at those too.

My goodness, I had never been that free in my life. I would walk the streets with so much confidence; one would swear East London had no homophobes. This two accepted me and made me feel welcome to the point that I failed to see any bad in the eyes of a woman. Well, and some men.

Life served its course; I got a job offer in Johannesburg, one went to Cape Town while the other one worked in East London. At this stage I realised that I am not only clingy when it comes to relationships. I am this way even in friendships.

I became so lonely and at some point I thought of going back home. The fast life in Joburg was appealing, but I could not see any excitement without my two best friends. My career became the only thing keeping me sane. However, I outgrew this. I accepted that all three of us were meant for different things in life, and if we were meant to meet again, we will. Just not today.

Just like a victim of a failed relationship of many years, now I compare every single ‘friend’ I meet in Joburg to my best friends. They are all different; well, extremely different as many of these people seem to be users, in the sense that they only ‘like’ you if you have something they want.

The most surprising aspect to this, is finding out that even the richest people use people – no matter how poor - and they suck other people for money – no matter how broke - .

This to me is very strange. My explanation to this has been that maybe the rich ones have also been used before and now they feel the need to do the same to others. Even more strange I think.

Having said that, I have come up with an attitude that works for now; Use he who uses thee and all shall be well. Failing which, I will get bitten by the snakes they are. But I am sure there are still good people somewhere around just like I believe one of these days I will bump into this Mr Right guy.

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Family time

December is just two months and a few weeks away, and I am faced with two options on how and where I should spend it. Either I go home, and spend my December holidays with family or, have my two younger siblings come over in Joburg to spend the holidays with me.

The latter, is of course, appealing, not only to me but to my mother as well. However, when I sat up at night thinking of the costs and comparing the two options, going home came up less costly than having my siblings up here.

As parsimonious as I am, I considered the expensive option and came up to a conclusion that I want my siblings to come up here.

I want them to see the world, and I want them to get the experience I got when I went to East London for the first time. That same experience broadens its self when I came to Joburg to follow my dream. I want to help them get rid of the mentality  that, a person from the Eastern Cape has to hide or run away from home to come and make money in Joburg.

The first time

The very first time I came to Joburg, I saw a place full of opportunities. A place so diverse, it takes people of different tribes to help a Xhosa folk find himself. This place has taught me so much about family value because I have bumped and made friends with people who left their homes and never went back. But of course, now they need their families because they have nowhere else to go for the reason that their friends have abandoned them.

This place has showed me just how to have a good time. Yes, Cape Town offers a very high class way of living. But Johannesburg is a perfect example that a black person can make it and will make it if only that person chews on hard work every day.

This is where I took note of just how much young (black) people are hungry to be independent, be successful and responsible of their families and loved ones. As a result, every time I have to do anything for my family and loved ones, I feel that sense of pride accentuating the mere fact that, I am making it and I am a responsible young black man.

Now, who am I to deprive my siblings all this inspiration? Why procrastinate a deal I can sort out in the present moment? Will I not be to blame when my siblings find crime or sleeping around more rewarding than getting education? What if I die today? Will they ever get to see and experience what made their brother yearn for Independence?

I am the most selfish person on this planet, but I refuse to be so in this regard. I love my family, and loving them means, I must (especially if and when I can) help them get the inspiration I think they need to succeed and be happy in life.  Of course, my primary aim here is to highlight just how much access one can have when one endures education and believes in it.

I know it’s been a while since I have been home, but I feel that this is a one of those things I have to do while I can still afford (or be indebted) to do. I don’t know what tomorrow holds for me. The best I can do is making my siblings happy in the only ways possible. After all, I am a celebrity in their eyes. So, why not Oprah-fy them up?

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The gay voice

At one point, religion ruled and it felt like all that big books state and proclaim was all there was and is to believe and live by. Today, however, politics rule in the same manner, and while religion mainly promotes the most powerful existence of an unseen figure, politics shove down the throats of citizens the rules and values accommodating only a certain portion of the lot residing in this open space of the earth.

Sometimes I find myself wondering if the ‘God’ I call to as a Christian is the politics. I mean, my god works in a very strict manner, while superiors in politics make changes in an instant and break the same rules they lay down for ‘everyone’.

Undeserved victory

The inspiration for my profoundness –in case one was wondering- hails from news feeds that carry headlines proclaiming the victory of Malawi government over the issue of two Malawian men; Tiwonge Chimbalanga and Steven Monjeza who happen to be gay.

Despite living in a narrow minded state where being gay is regarded as immoral, the couple went ahead and held their engagement ceremony. Consequently, the two have been found guilty of unnatural acts and gross indecency. This comes after a process of not only being humiliated but disrespected and undermined by their country’s laws.

According to media waves, Tiwonge and Steven face the possibility of being jailed for more than 10 years. However, a magistrate is expected to sentence these guys on today.

The irony of this situation is that, both these men will be kept within walls where sodomy uncontrollably occurs. This applies not only to prisons in Malawi but in other countries as well. This means that, this two will have sex –though not with each other- but with other men imprisoned with them. Unfortunately, having sex in jail might be a deed that’s not so consensual in their case.

Also, it’s amazing how Malawian President Bingu wa Mutharika called on religious leaders in his country to help him condemn homosexuality. Daily Nation quoted him as saying, “(homosexuality) is evil and bad before the eyes of God”.  Nonetheless, the same god he uses to perpetuate his personal judgment is believed to have stated in the bible that He is the only one with the right to judge and not anyone else. Clearly, Mutharika reads a Koran.

Sympathy

Unfortunately, there is absolutely nothing I can do to help or simply show that I feel the pain Tiwonge and Steven. What has happened instead is that, I have grown scared. I am scared of what the situation will be like now right here is South Africa.

I am well aware of how gay friendly Cape Town is and I also know that in 2007 a law that permits people of the same sex to get married was passed. However, that hasn’t stopped the ignorant few South Africans from not only teasing gay people but also physically hurting them.

With that I ask, how are we different then from a country that is totally against gay people? How often should we preach that homosexuality is not a choice? Who in fact can actually stand up and help to stop this sort of discrimination? If it’s not my president sharing on how he would beat up a gay man back in his youth years, our folks disown us while society tears us apart with insults.

To me it seems, only gay people will be able to stand against the issue, but the question still stands that will we ever win? If yes, when will we win? Clearly not today. Not next week or this year for that matter. This is a very long journey, I believe. One that makes me feel that gay people are fighting a losing battle.

Happy read!