Alone

About a month ago, I got appointed as a permanent member of staff at a company I had recently joined. Happy, feeling triumphant and thriving as I was, I knew these were the news to share not only with my beloved mother, but with those whom I call my friends too.

Before I even tried calling my two best friends, a thought ticked in mind, and all of a sudden I realised that I can’t, I can’t call them and tell them this. I mean, I could, but I just needed a much better way of doing it instead of over the phone.

Both these women are of essence and have been an inspiration in my life from the first day I met them. Thanks to them I managed to finish my studies at varsity in spite of the family disputes I had. The things they did for me I will never forget. Things got to a point where I felt that if I had needed new underwear, they would have bought it for me. That is how much they took care of me.

Because of this, I fell in love with the both of them. I just knew they have become a part of me that not even my biological sisters are not part of. They have created an image –in my eyes- of the perfect woman I would go for, given I happen to be restored from the wavy ways of a French curve.

Now, I had just got appointed permanently, while they both struggle with their careers. A part of me said, no... No, no, no. The best way to tell them is face to face. That way they will see it in your face just how much you still love them-and how devoted I am to them- regardless of the challenges they are facing in life.

They would see a great deal of the artefact they helped to established. Just how much I am flourishing, all thanks to their existence.

Sadly, seeing them was impossible. So, I could not see them, and yet I could not bring myself to calling them to tell them the news. Nonetheless, they found out, hail to the power of social media.  They both were excited for me. They still are, and they are proud of me.

Having said all that, I wanted to celebrate my news. My mother is in the Eastern Cape and my best friends are miles aways from me, so my Joburg peeps had to do.

But then again, what peeps? I have, no friends in Jozi. All that I have are people whom I find joy in making happy. I like being the reason people are smiling and enjoying life. That for me is just a perfect recipe to create a very good surrounding and friendships for oneself. One that lacks reciprocity, of course.

Experiencing the company of these kinds of people has made me realise that finding and building good friendships is as difficult as spotting Mr right amongst strippers.

And so, I am thinking, isn’t there a principle in small print somewhere, stating that, when a person is nice to you, you repay by being the same? Sense of decorum perhaps?

One ‘friend’ said I am asking too much, for a boy who settled easily in a city where out comers are usually welcomed by experience that live figurative and physical scars in their lives, scars that haunt them forever, hence they never survive it.

But I cannot live without friends. I experienced having the best ones not so long ago, and so I am addicted to having them. Is that too much to ask or maybe I am doing things differently? Weirdly?

I am alone, let’s face it. Soon I will be lonely. Funny how –when I was young- I use to pray to God not to make me the type of person whose career flourishes while personally I do NOT have a life.

Happy read!